Inner Scorecard or outer scorecard?
I was reading a book on Warren Buffet and came across this
“The big question about how people behave is whether they've got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard.”
He then explained it further
"Would you rather be the world’s greatest lover, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst lover? Or would you rather be the worst lover but have everyone think you’re the world’s greatest lover?”
My mind instantly answered that I want the world to think that I am the greatest lover.
When I realised that I was on the wrong side, I absolutely didn't have any clue on what to do to change it!
Then I sat and thought about it.
Realisations
I realised that I like to believe that I am keeping an inner scorecard. At the same time, I am bothered about what other people think of me. That being said, I do not remember doing anything just so for people to like me.
Further realisations
Ideally, we have to focus on our inner scorecard. However focusing excessively on our inner scorecard might make us arrogant, selfish or callous person.
I recall a conversation where I told the person that I was offended by their remark. The response I received was " It is my nature". Although the person apologised later, I could not help wondering that the person might have a really good inner scorecard.
On the other side, I have this friend who is extremely talented in art and design. She is pursuing her career in finance because she does not want to offend her parents. She would be having a good number on her outer scorecard. I also recall another friend ( with great pain) staying in an unhappy and toxic relationship and giving herself to the whims and fancies of other people!
All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us!
I have no idea why I put that headline. I was obsessed with Michael Jackson all my high school. And somehow writing about this, reminded me of this song. ( The headline is a song by Michael Jackson. This song makes me feel good whenever I have a bad day. You can listen to it here )
Ideally, we do not have to bother about what other people think of us. We should be doing what we think is right for us. However, we should not override the fact that we can be wrong too. Also, in order to have a healthy relationship with people, sometimes we have to let go of our need to be right.
There are many situations where I have apologised without doing any mistakes. I have said sorry even though in my heart I knew 100% that what I did/said was the right thing.
I could have thought like, " I did what I felt right, so if that person could not understand, it is their problem".
But I thought like this. " I did what I felt right. It is up to the other person to understand it. But if I have hurt the person ( truth hurts most of the time ) I probably owe an apology. "
When I am doing this, I am neither changing my course of action nor questioning my thought process. I am also not getting side-lined by another person's point of view. What I am doing is letting go of the need to be right in front of another person. So eventually, my inner scorecard will get points and at the same time I have closed the possibility of being arrogant and the world can think whatever it wants.
To state clearly, I do what I feel right, I say what I feel right but I also keep an open perspective that I might be wrong.
Most of the time when I do this, these things will happen
The other person feels better and starts to think from my perspective. ( At least that's what I presume).
The other person will open up and I get to understand their perspective with much more clarity
My relationship with the person stays unstrained.
Final thoughts
Focusing too much on our inner scorecard can be fodder to our ego. The ego is the most toxic thing in this world. You don't need to be right always. What you need to be is kind, loving and understanding.
The best way is to have a balanced approach and an open heart. Staying true to ourselves does not mean believing ourselves blindly.
As I was writing this, I could not help pondering about a pattern that I came across in our society. Females tend to focus more on their outer score cards compared to their male counterparts. An individual’s upbringing plays an important role in having a tendency to focus more inner scorecard or outer scorecard. There is so much to talk about this. Maybe someday, I will write about it.
So, what scorecard do you have?